Next Stop Israel!

Man 1: G'morning.

Man 2: Good morning, sir.

Man 1: Don't mean to be a bother, but is this where the Antisemitism gathering is?

Man 2: What? No sir, I'm sorry but no, it's not.

Man 1: Really? I coulda sworn I saw y'all had a sign out there in front of the building?

Man 2: Do you mean our "Next Stop Israel!" sign, sir?

Man 1: Yeah, that's right. Your "Next Stop Israel!" sign.

Man 2: Forgive me sir, but I fail to see how that gives you the impression that this is an Antisemitism gathering place.

Man 1: Well, I mean, it's as the sign says: "Next, Stop Israel!"

Man 2: "Next, Stop Israel!"?

Man 1: "Next, Stop Israel!" That's right.

Man 2: Oh no sir, that's not a "Next, Stop Israel!" sign.

Man 1: It's not?

Man 2: No sir, it's more of a "Next Stop: Israel!" sign.

Man 1: Oh, "Next Stop: Israel!"?

Man 2: That's right sir: This is a synagogue. Our youth group is planning a visit to the Holy Land this September.

Man 1: Is that right?

Man 2: Yes sir.

Man 1: Oh, well...boy! My face is mighty red, partner!

Man 2: Please sir, there's no need to feel badly.

Man 1: Aw man, I bet you're probably Jewish, too.

Man 2: Yes sir, I am.

Man 1: Gosh, I really didn't mean any offense. It's just that there's no punctuation on the sign at all, except for the exclamation mark. I thought it was saying, "OK, next on this list, let's see...ah, here it is: Stop Israel!"

Man 2: Ah, yes. That's true. I can see how its intention could be ambiguous.

Man 1: Boy I'll say.

Man 2: ...

Man 1: ...

Man 2: ...

Man 1: So what's the matter, you Jews don't want to cough up the cash for a colon?

Man 2: ...

Man 1: ...

Man 2: Hahaha!

Man 1: Haha, I'm just kidding.

Man 2: Hahaha, yes - very funny, sir. Very funny. I liked it.

Man 1: OK, well then, you take care buddy, ya hear?

Man 2: Likewise, sir. Likewise.

Man 1: Oh, just one more thing.

Man 2: Of course, sir.

Man 1: You wouldn't know where that Antisemitism rally is, would you?

Man 2: Indeed I do, sir. It's the building right next door with the "Jews are Devils" sign in front of it. Can't miss it.

Man 1: Great. Bye then.

Man 2: Take care, sir.

Celebrity Pickup Lines*

*Stray Cooper is not a celebrity. Yet.

Will Smith

You know, I was in "Pursuit of Happiness." Now I'm in pursuit of something better: you.

Suge Knight

Hey girl, I'm the man who suspended Vanilla Ice over a fourteen-story railing. I want your number. Now.

Ray Romano

They say everybody loves me, and whether you know it already or not, that includes you.

Suge Knight

I love that perfume. It takes me back some. She's dead now, but what's your name?

Lance Armstrong

I'd give my left...eye...to get a date with you.

Suge Knight

Baby, I feel like I already know you. I bet you're the type of woman who already has a man and probably some shorties at home. I bet they're very important to you, even if sometimes you wonder if there was someone else for you out there. And I bet right now they've got about a dozen hard ass niggas surrounding them in your home in the hills and if you ever want to see them again you'll be coming back to my crib with me and watch you some "Air Bud: Golden Retriever" with me.

Did I mention there will be ice cream sandwiches?

Billy Joel

I've sung it thousands of times, but now I finally mean it: I love you just the way you are. I also love snuff films. Please describe to me your underwear.