Observational Humor Stylings of Kirak - Ten Year-Old Feral Boy

Domestics are always talking about their fine TiVo machines as if these devices make them superior. Last time I checked, superiority is determined when one male humps the corpse of his male rival after having crushed his rival's head with a large rock. Don't let my age fool you: I will crush your head with the skill of an Elder. And then I will mark your precious TiVo as mine with my leavings!


By round of applause, has any one else out there ever had a crappy job? OK good: I'm not the only one! Sir, what's the worst job you had? [Unpleasant job of any kind] you say? That almost sounds as bad as when I got hired to be a chef at Benihana. Yeah, that was a great idea: "Let's give the ten year-old a knife. Oh, he's Feral? In that case let's give him the biggest fucking cleaver we have." Right? "Welcome to Benihana, Miss. Might I interest you in some Hibachi Chaeaubriand, or would you prefer that I skip to the part where I revert to my animalistic ways and chase you around the restaurant with a knife bigger than my ten year-old head? How does that sound, Lady?" You know?


And how is it that hospital food is still awful? It's like, I've suffered serious injuries from a construction site accident that resulted from my forgetting that bulldozers are in fact machinery and not potential predators and that I need not and should not do battle with them when what I think is their faces turn in my direction - think you could cook my Salisbury steak all the way through? Because that would be great.


My girlfriend is starting to drop these "I want to get married" hints all the time now. Man, I can't freaking stand that. Hey babe, I've got a hint for ya: As soon as I reach the age of sexual maturity, I'll be fertilizing as many females as I can out of a uncontrollable urge to populate the species as much as I can. Should these females bear me strong, healthy offspring, I will protect them from predators as well as other males looking to gain dominance over me and my pack. And if you're lucky enough to produce offspring strong enough to survive the winters, then maybe you can be ONE of the females for whom I provide protection!" Am I right guys? Huh? Yeah, the [Unpleasant job of any kind] guy knows what I'm talkin' about!