Selected Moments in the Life of Johnny K. Murlee. Volume One: Years 17-26

Age 17 JOHNNY's invitation to take a girl to homecoming is rejected:

So "no" then? Alright. Of course I'm not upset. After all, the three girls before you said no, so why shouldn't you? I'm sorry, that was out of line. It's just that...it's just I can't help but feel you're all saying no to me because of my condition. Well I guess I'm sorry. I can't [tears well up] I can't help that. I never asked to be born prematurely, it just happened! [Turns and runs out of girls' restroom.]


Age 18 JOHNNY responds to a Harvard University undergraduate application essay prompt:

All of us everywhere see demonstrations of courage everyday: the fireman rushing into a burning building; the police officer risking her life to save a complete stranger; the premature birth survivor who defies all odds and makes the high school varsity lacrosse team. It is these types of people and not a dictionary that define courage. I should know. I happen to know someone who is a premature birth survivor. His name is Johnny K. Murlee, and he is me. And he/I has/have played two seasons of varsity lacrosse for the Broadview West High School three-time state champion lacrosse team.


Age 22 JOHNNY in the final stages of an interview with CHESTER HOWARD of Grizzly, Howard, & Parsons law firm:

HOWARD: Mr. Murlee, it is clear to me that you have had all of the experience required to work for Grizzly, Howard, & Parsons. In fact, everything you've said up to this point has impressed me very much. But tell me, Mr. Murlee, what is it about you that makes you special? That separates you from all the other people who want to work for G.H.P.?

MURLEE: You know sir, the first person who ever told me I was special was my very own mother. As I've already mentioned to you a few times now, I was born prematurely. My mother, sir, always used to tell me, "Johnny, you know why you were born so early? It was because God just couldn't wait around any longer to get you into the world." So Mr. Howard, what you gotta just understand [tears well up] is that's how I approach life: one month and fourteen days before everybody else who was born on November 13th.

HOWARD: [Looks down.] Mr. Murlee, I want you to know that very few people are able to get a job at Grizzly, Howard, & Parsons. You...are one of them. Congratulations, you're our new receptionist.


Age 23 JOHNNY meets a woman at a club:

Say, you're not a bad dancer. I might be half as good a dancer as you are if I could have had all nine months to develop in my mother's womb - instead I got stuck with no rhythm and those then-tiny organs! Haha, I'm just kidding. Scientists still haven't made any connections between fetus gestation length and dancing skill. Anyways, what's your name? Well Stacy, think maybe I could get your number and call you up sometime? Yeah I'm serious, haha, why wouldn't I be? You're funny. But really, can I get that number? Well, if you ask me [tears well up], your heart could have used some more time in the womb! [Turns and runs out of Lollipops Gentlemen's Club.]


Age 24 JOHNNY goes to the dentist:

DENTIST: So pretty crummy weather we've been havin', huh?

MURLEE: Huh hehuhr hoehh hahuhr hee. Hehrehay eh ha hoo hay hwhe hoo har ha hreehahure hirh hurhighhur.

DENTIST: [Retracts tooth mirror from MURLEE'S mouth.] Sorry, what?

MURLEE: Oh, I just said, "The weather doesn't bother me. Everyday is a good day when you are a premature birth survivor."


Age 25 JOHNNY discusses membership details over the phone with a representative of Better Fitness Gym:

$125 a month sounds fair. And I really like that you guys have racquetball courts. Tell me, does all of your strength training equipment pass P.M.B.S. standards? Uh, P.M.B.S. "Premature birth survivor." What? You don't have those standards? You've never heard of them? In that case maybe I'll just give Body Balance Gym a call. [Tears well up.] Good...goodbye. [Turns and runs out of kitchen.]

[Re-enters kitchen and hangs up phone.]


Age 26 JOHNNY converses with MICHAEL QUINCY, a copyright lawyer at G.H.P., in the G.H.P. break room:

QUINCY: Hey man, so I hear it's your birthday in a couple weeks.

MURLEE: Ugh. Yep.

QUINCY: Haha, I hear ya. I hate birthdays too: the unwanted attention, all the fuss, having a bunch of people who aren't really your friends pretending to like you when you pretty much can't stand them. Man it's a headache more than anything.

MURLEE: That's all true, but I especially don't like birthdays because they remind me of that time in my life when I was an infant who had just been born a month and fourteen days early. Going from one day to the next and not knowing if my underdeveloped organs were going to hold up. Every day was a fight for my life. Sure, I survived. But how much of myself did I lose along the way?

QUINCY: ...

MURLEE: Birthdays. Boy, they sure are the pits.