First Date: Special Edition

Hi Stacy! George here. Hope that this e-mail finds you well this Sunday morning. I wanted to write and let you know how much fun I had last night. And also, I wanted to check in and make sure that you had an okay time too. Have you decided yet whether you'd like to go on a second date with me? I sensed at times last night you might not have been crazy about how the date was going. If you were to decide to chance a second rendezvous with yours truly, I promise a dazzling, even more spectacular evening than last night.

I will pick you up in a limousine again, only this time it will be a color-changing limousine (think Wizard of Oz horse). We will ride this "limousine of a different color" to Le Petit Chateau, where we dined last night. I have arranged to change the candle lighting inside (which I thought was just a little outdated) to laser lighting. Lasers are hip, and kids love them. I think this will be much better than the lighting on the first date.

I've already reserved us the same booth we sat in last night. By next weekend, though, it will have hovercraft technology installed in it and will be capable of mid-air suspension ten feet off the ground. (Should be safe by Saturday night. Think you'll be free then?)

Our waiter (who will serve us by jetpack) will now have an Italian accent. When I was planning the first date, I decided on Le Petit Chateau because I remember you saying that you like French food. If I had also known that you had lived in Italy for a year, then I would have arranged for Sergio to be on the job last night. But details like this can always be fixed on a second run.

For my part, I will learn enough Italian to order your meal for you. (Also, I will opt for mashed potatoes this time instead of garlic bread. And I will remember chewing gum.) Over dinner, the conversation will be less focused on my ex-wife, and more directed at your interests and background. I will also be funnier.

In addition to enhancing aspects of last night's date, I have plans for new material as well:

1) In this date edition, I will call over the house string-quartet to play Chopin for you. After they finish, I will say, "Not bad. Care if I give it a whirl?" Sergio will jetpack the violin up to me so I can play you "Ewok Celebration Suite."

2) When we can eat no more, we will leave the restaurant arm in arm. Steps away from my color-changing limo, a gun-wielding mugger will emerge from the shadows and demand your purse. Positioning myself between you and harm's way, I will wave my hand and say, "You don't need to have her purse." He will say (to you), "I don't need to have your purse." I will say, "She can leave and have a pleasant evening," and he will say (to you again), "You can leave. And have a pleasant evening." While you are still shocked, I will offer you champagne from my color-changing limousine.

3) Same mugger situation, only this time the mugger will shoot at me before I say a word. I will very quickly shift my entire body to the left in one jerky, near impossible motion to avoid the bullet. After shooting him in the chest (with a gun I kept hidden all night), I will offer you champagne from my color-changing limousine.

As you can tell, this date improves in so many ways upon the original. I really hope that you – not the CGI you – will be joining me for it.

<3
George