Subtle Changes to Game Dynamics in "Oregon Trail" Had Cannibalism Been an Option

Welcome to the Oregon Trail! Your journey begins in INDEPENENCE, MISSOURI. Before you begin your quest, you must select a profession.

You have chosen CARPENTER. The CARPENTER class starts with $800. Spend your money wisely at MATT'S GENERAL STORE to stock up on supplies for your journey.

Are you finished shopping?

You are done shopping. Would you like to EAT MATT?

You do not EAT MATT. Please name the rest of the members in your party.

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Your party has reached LARAMIE. Here you can buy more supplies, barter, or talk with other travelers.

You find PISTOL BILL. PISTOL BILL begins to tell you stories about Hockessin, Delaware. His stories bore you. You remember that you are running low on food - do you murder and eat PISTOL BILL?

You have selected NO. You listen to twenty-seven minutes of stories about barrel-making.

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Your FOOD SUPPLY is dangerously low. You will soon have to go hunting or eat one of the members of your party to survive.

You have selected to HUNT.

You have shot 240 pounds of meat. As you lug the deer carcass back to your wagon, your joints ache and your muscles grow weak. You consider it would have been a lot easier for you if you just ATE KELLY.

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KELLY has DYSENTERY. If you stop to rest, there is a chance her health will recover. Or, you can eat her now before the DYSENTERY makes her unappetizing.

You have decided to REST for three days.

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BANDITS have come in the night and have taken 28 BULLETS, 30 POUNDS OF MEAT, $66, and KELLY. You feel so angry you could eat GERALD right then and there. Do you EAT GERALD?

You have decided to THINK IT OVER.

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Your party is eight miles from FORT HALL. You have changed your RATIONS from "Good" to "Meager."

Your party has reached FORT HALL. Here you can buy more supplies, barter, or talk with other travelers.

You once again meet PISTOL BILL. He says you look "worse than a Kentucky weasel in an Alabammy mineshaft." He offers to buy one of your oxen for $17. Does he have any idea how insulting an offer like that is?

You and your party DEVOUR PISTOL BILL.

Are you finished in FORT HALL?

You and your party make for FORT BOISE. You have changed your RATIONS from "Meager" to "Plentiful".

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You have found an abandoned wagon! You find 14 BULLETS, 1 WHEEL, and 48 POUNDS OF MEAT. Will you celebrate by EATING one of your party members?

You and your party EAT GERALD.

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Your party has come across a RIVER. What will you do?

A) Attempt to cross by FORDING.
B) Pay an Indian Guide to FERRY you across.
C) WAIT for low-tide.
D) EAT the Indian Guide in the hopes of inheriting his secrets. (And potentially also his strength.)

You have EATEN the Indian Guide. Now you know how to FERRY your wagon across, and you feel stronger.

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You feel like you've been on this trip forever. You are bored. Will you eat TED?

Are you still hungry?

You eat SUSAN.

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Your food supply is running dangerously low. You have decided to HUNT.

You have shot 857 pounds of PEOPLE MEAT. You can only carry back 200.

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You and your party have reached the Columbia River!

You may:

A) Float the wagon downstream. (Fastest option, but dangerous.)
B) Take a toll road around the river. (Safest option, but will add 92 miles to your trip.)
C) Think on it over some barbecue PHILLIP.

You have selected to EAT PHILLIP AND THINK ON IT.

You are so gorged on PHILLIP that you fall fast asleep. BANDITS have robbed all your blankets. You are dead from EXPOSURE...but at least you die with a FULL STOMACH.