Carter Talk
Jimmy Carter, age 13
Mother, from the recent welts that father recently inflicted upon my rear-end - welts so profound that the simple act of sitting has become a painful test of will - I have ascertained that you have grown angry at me, and I think I know the reason why. Last night, after a wonderful dinner, I noticed a change in your mood soon after I said that the peach cobbler you made for dessert was the "worst peach cobbler in American history."
Mother, I must admit that I've been confused as to why you would feel offended by a remark like this. But I think I had a moment of clarity in between belt strikes from father. Because my remarks were either careless or misinterpreted, you saw them as an affront against you and your culinary prowess.
This is simply not the case.
You see Mother, while you may have been under the impression that you and your cobbler were the subject of my harsh criticism, the truth is that at the time of my remarks, I was not talking personally about any cobbler. Or creator of said cobbler. No, in actuality, I was making a general remark about your cobbler compared to Billy Dixon's mother's cobbler that we all experienced a few weeks ago at the Dixon's Fourth of July party.
While I think Mrs. Dixon had a very juicy yet still flaky peach cobbler, I certainly meant no ill-will to your peach cobbler, your sweet potato pie, your cripple creek ferry berry surprise, or any of the other confectionery strides you have made in your tenure as Mother.
Now as far as the comments I made regarding your stance on stem-cell research, well Mother, I still believe you are downright batty in that regard.
Mother, from the recent welts that father recently inflicted upon my rear-end - welts so profound that the simple act of sitting has become a painful test of will - I have ascertained that you have grown angry at me, and I think I know the reason why. Last night, after a wonderful dinner, I noticed a change in your mood soon after I said that the peach cobbler you made for dessert was the "worst peach cobbler in American history."
Mother, I must admit that I've been confused as to why you would feel offended by a remark like this. But I think I had a moment of clarity in between belt strikes from father. Because my remarks were either careless or misinterpreted, you saw them as an affront against you and your culinary prowess.
This is simply not the case.
You see Mother, while you may have been under the impression that you and your cobbler were the subject of my harsh criticism, the truth is that at the time of my remarks, I was not talking personally about any cobbler. Or creator of said cobbler. No, in actuality, I was making a general remark about your cobbler compared to Billy Dixon's mother's cobbler that we all experienced a few weeks ago at the Dixon's Fourth of July party.
While I think Mrs. Dixon had a very juicy yet still flaky peach cobbler, I certainly meant no ill-will to your peach cobbler, your sweet potato pie, your cripple creek ferry berry surprise, or any of the other confectionery strides you have made in your tenure as Mother.
Now as far as the comments I made regarding your stance on stem-cell research, well Mother, I still believe you are downright batty in that regard.
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